[If I can figure it out I’m thinking of making this a regular feature on a separate page — ed.]
When Genghis Khan died, his grandson got to be the Khan. Kublai Khan was his name. He wanted Emperor-of-China-hood. So he fought for it. No it wasn’t your usual fight over a toy, mommies and daddies. The Chinese used fog. They couldn’t control the sky, but one of the different fogs had WOLF DUNG! Grosstastic! And yet Kublai got the throne. He sent a note to the Japanese saying: “Surrender, for your lives shall be spared. If not, you can meet my army. My army would love meeting friendly soon-to-be-corpse-if-you-don’t-surrender faces!” So Kublai set out to Japan on a boat—he knew he would get there—but—a strong wind pushed him back. So he set out again. He got there—it looked like he was winning—but…another strong wind stopped him. The Japanese called these winds “kamikaze” which meant “divine winds” but I’m not sure the Mongols thought it quite—er—divine. When Kublai died his descendants divided China into little pieces and the Chinese got the throne! BOO HOO-HOO-HOO-HA-HA-HA!