Has it really been that long?

Wow, I guess I have been busy or something. So busy that I do all my blogging in 15 words or less on Facebook.

But I have been busy in a good way! We are moving!

(Of course, everyone who still reads the blog probably already knows that.)

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I have been tense ever since we made the offer, and I have been thinking a lot about why. Can you relate?

— We made the decision very rapidly. Someone else was putting in an offer the day we saw the house, so we moved quickly to get it. That is *not* my style. I like to deliberate a little, do some analysis, and feel in control. This process has gone too fast for me to feel in control, so I am trying to tolerate not feeling in control. I couldn’t stand giving up the house out of fear. There is my “T” of INTP taking over — I don’t like to make decisions based on emotions, so I overrode the fear and anxiety and plunged ahead on the facts. But that didn’t take the fear and anxiety away!

— We are leaving our hometown of 10 years, and our home of 7 years. I’ve only lived in one other home for more than 7 years, and that was for 8-9 years as a kid, so it’s a big change. If you don’t live in the Twin Cities, it may seem unaccountable to you that moving about 10 minutes further west could be such a dramatic change, but if you are from the Twin Cities you well know the Power of the River. Of course, when I whined to my good friend that no one would visit me, she kindly pointed out, “No one visits you now!”

— My new home is much bigger and more expensive. Of course I worry that one of us will lose a job and we won’t be able to afford our home. But more than that, I am having a hard time seeing myself as the owner of a big beautiful home. Does that even make sense? I have spent tons of time over spreadsheets and calculations to determine how much we can afford, and we *can* afford this house. But it seems wrong somehow. And it’s so big. I have tried to tell myself that my inner guidelines about what a house *should* cost or how big a house *should* be does not include two home offices and homeschooling, which helps me rationalize a little. Still, a tiny voice seems to be telling me that this house is too nice for me. Isn’t that awful? Isn’t it good to be able to tell that voice to F*** Off?

I have many plans for homeschooling, which I will write about in another post. It’s a good thing I have a lot of “outside” things lined up, because I think September and October are not going to be banner homeschool months. Not even banner unschool months. They’re going to be movie and computer months, and there’s no way around it. But I hope that soon after we move in we’ll be doing some table schooling in our little breakfast nook:

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And I really hope that we’ll get to walk to our neighborhood beach a few times before the blizzards fly (photo from Xavier on Picasa):

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That’s right. Walk. To the Beach. (There is actually a sandy beach and a playground too, in additional to the yacht club, sailing school, canoe rentals for just $15/hr . . . . oh my . . . it’s too much!)

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6 Comments

Filed under Family Fun, Oh Mother

6 responses to “Has it really been that long?

  1. lapazfarm

    It sounds fantastic! Happy moving!

  2. Wow, my dd would love your neighbourhood! And I love your house. I understand exactly everything you wrote. Thank goodness you were able to push through that and get it done anyway đŸ™‚

    Wish I could be there to carry boxes for you.

  3. inneedofchocolate

    Congratulations on your new house! It looks fantastic. I’ve always wanted a breakfast nook and walking to the beach, amazing. I completely understand all your inner turmoil over the new house. We saw the house we live in now and immediately put an offer on it which is not at all my style. Plus I had a 3 month old baby that hadn’t ever slept more than 1.5 hours at a stretch so I was not in my right mind. But it was the right house for us.

  4. Angela, QueenBee

    Such a lot going on!! It is so nice to hear someone else who has that internal battle against materialism. I don’t know why, but I also feel uncomfortable with the idea of a luxorious home, as if it is too grand and therefor unnecessary. Can there be success guilt? I just went through the same thing about a new car…just because we can afford it, should we? In the end, we got the new car! Walking to the beach…that is wonderufl. Enjoy it all guilt-free!

  5. Molly

    Shaun – I can totally relate to your “T” feeling rushed, and especially to the discomfort of buying a big beautiful home. I still feel shy about – actually, like I don’t deserve – my house (even though it is not even close to, say, a 1990s McMansion) because it is bigger and nicer than my old one. There’s some wierd badge of honor thing about having a small, semi-crappy house – at least, there was for me. Hang in there. I wish I could tell you it will go away fast. It hasn’t for me. P.S. I will come and visit you even though it’s ACROSS THE RIVER (omg!)

  6. Sounds exciting. Best wishes with the move.

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