Suck on This, Halls Cough Drops!

We have not been well lately in the Red Sea household. Many cough drops — Halls Honey-Lemon cough drops — have been consumed. But I did not realize until today that my cough drops came with a message — several messages imprinted on the wrapper.

Some choice examples:

“Inspire envy” — how, exactly? Envy for the spittle that comes flying from my mouth during a surprise spasmodic coughing fit? For the menthol coating on my teeth?

“You got it in you” — well, yeah, I guess I do. That’s why I’m on these antibiotics.

“Get back in there, champ!” — unless “there” means “bed,” you, cough drop, can fuck right off.

“You’ve survived tougher.” — I suppose I have. That’s a positive thought. I can make it, as long as I take good care of myself, drink lots of fluids, and get plenty of r—

“Power through!” — Hey! WTF Halls Cough Drops?! Is this how you ensure you get repeat customers, encouraging people to run themselves down even further?! I call foul.

It’s not enough that my antibiotics are filling me with unfocused rage — now my cough drops have to mock and goad me?

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Suck on This, Halls Cough Drops!

  1. Dad Strohmer

    Pretty funny stuff. I am a big Halls Honey-Lemon cough drops user–which Consumer Reports says is the most effective cough drop. And in all the years that I’ve used them I never noted little sayings. I don’t think they’re mocking her goading you–I think they are attempting to encourage you.

  2. Mocked2

    I have a cold, I used their Halls Honey-Lemon drops. They are definitely mocking me too!

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