We have not been well lately in the Red Sea household. Many cough drops — Halls Honey-Lemon cough drops — have been consumed. But I did not realize until today that my cough drops came with a message — several messages imprinted on the wrapper.
Some choice examples:
“Inspire envy” — how, exactly? Envy for the spittle that comes flying from my mouth during a surprise spasmodic coughing fit? For the menthol coating on my teeth?
“You got it in you” — well, yeah, I guess I do. That’s why I’m on these antibiotics.
“Get back in there, champ!” — unless “there” means “bed,” you, cough drop, can fuck right off.
“You’ve survived tougher.” — I suppose I have. That’s a positive thought. I can make it, as long as I take good care of myself, drink lots of fluids, and get plenty of r—
“Power through!” — Hey! WTF Halls Cough Drops?! Is this how you ensure you get repeat customers, encouraging people to run themselves down even further?! I call foul.
It’s not enough that my antibiotics are filling me with unfocused rage — now my cough drops have to mock and goad me?